


The Truths We Hide and the Stories We Share

by ShatteredSwallowtail



Series: Taming Dragons [13]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 09:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24468802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShatteredSwallowtail/pseuds/ShatteredSwallowtail
Summary: Obviously Aymeric and Estinien. Mentions of EstinienxYsale and past!AymericxLucia and past!AymericxHaurchefaunt
Relationships: Aymeric de Borel/Estinien Wyrmblood
Series: Taming Dragons [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733218
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	The Truths We Hide and the Stories We Share

He noticed the flowers first. Not for any particular reason, other than the simple fact that Estinien had never shown a predilection for gardening in any form and yet he was downright tender in the way he carefully mounded the soil around each of the nymeia lilies in the tiered planter he’d set up in the corner of their living room. From his seated position in one of the comfortable armchairs by the fireplace, Aymeric sipped at his wine as he watched with a soft smile on his face. Estinien was cleared to leave at the end of the week, and though his husband hadn’t voiced the thought, Aymeric had noticed the way he kept glancing towards the horizon from time to time. Still yearning and searching for some meaning that not even Aymeric himself could help him find. He would have to do it on his own. And while he hated the thought of this long span of togetherness coming to an end, he more hated to see Estinien feeling restless and trapped in his own home. Draining his glass with a swallow, Aymeric set it aside on the small end table and got to his feet to join his husband as he studied the lilies. Nymeia lilies weren’t uncommon, but neither were they the sort of flowers one usually found with the garden supplies and seeds. And as Estinien rarely - if ever - did something like this by happenstance… he had selected the pale icy white flowers on purpose.

“Are they for her?” The question left his mouth ere it had formed in his head and Aymeric instantly regretted how accusatory he felt it to sound. Especially as he saw one of Estinien’s white eyebrows raise slightly as he settled yet another lily into it’s bed of soil. There was no need to elaborate; there was only one woman he could have been referring to with his question and Estinien spoke after he seemed to consider his words for a moment.

“Would that bother you?” It was as much of a confirmation as he needed, and Aymeric sighed as he shook his head with a twinge of guilt in his expression. “No, that is....not what I meant by it. I am aware that I am not the only one who has ever had your heart, and it would be foolish and unfair of me to bear ill will or jealousy towards those who came before me.” He trailed off and Estinien studied him sidelong before he spoke again. “Then why do your words seem so unsure, Aymeric? Does it matter the reason I chose to plant them? Would you prefer I uprooted them?”

“No, of course not. I just…” Blue gaze fell as he considered his own words and gathered his thoughts for a moment before speaking. “Truly… I envy her. Not for the reason that you may believe, but… because I have known so little of your life outside of Ishgard. Even now, there is so much of you that is a mystery to me. But I would not tear away the secrets you shroud yourself in, I only… I envy that she knew you in a way that I do not. And never will.” Did that sound as ridiculous to Estinien as it did to his own ears? Fury, he sounded like a quibbling maiden upset that her beloved went away to work without her, and Aymeric felt his cheeks warm as he cleared his throat in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I… I do not know of what I speak. I am overtired, I fear, and waxing foolishly.”

“Why don’t you simply ask, Aymeric?”

The question caught the Lord Commander off his guard and he glanced up to blink at his husband with a slight frown on his face. That...honestly made sense, but he had always tried so carefully to respect Estinien’s privacy. Understanding that his husband was not by nature an open man and knowing full well that if he was to press the issue it would not be worth the answers he might receive. “I… I did not think to pry, my love. If I am to be truthful. I know that your life has seen much hardship, and I would not bring those memories to the light and cause you distress.”

Estinien snorted as he shook his head. Brushing soil from his hands as he stood up and leaned down for a quick kiss. “You think too nobly of me if you believe I would not refuse to speak of something I did not wish to speak of, Aymeric. But as the notion of my discomfort seems to distress you so, I propose a game of sorts.” He stepped around his husband and plucked a heavy decanter of amber coloured liquid from the corner cabinet along with two glasses. Handing one to Aymeric, he hefted the bottle of cognac with a smirk. “A drink for a truth, my lord commander. Does that seem fair?”

The teasing warmth in Estinien’s voice as he used the title sent a shiver down his spine and Aymeric raised a brow of his own as he took the glass and held it out for his husband to fill. Accepting the unspoken challenge with a smile. “Indeed. And two should either of us not wish to answer the question posed to us. Do you have any other conditions, my own?”

“That you take the day off of work tomorrow.” Estinien spoke softly, his gaze never leaving Aymeric’s. “So that I might keep you all to myself for a day ere I return to my travels. It is scarce time to properly demonstrate the depth of my feelings for you, but I would have it nonetheless.” Raising his own glass in a silent toast, he sank down onto his own chair and took a long swallow before he spoke again. “Yes. The lilies are in remembrance of Ysale. They remind me of her, for some reason I couldn’t begin to fathom. When I left Ishgard after the end of the war, I left a bouquet of them in Azys La, overlooking the place where she made her sacrifice. Whenever my travels bring me near, I bring another offering. To honour the peace that she gave her life in belief of, even when I myself could not believe in it.”

“Did you love her?” His question got a raised eyebrow and a disapproving snort from Estinien. “Patience, Aymeric. I believe it is only fair that I question in my own turn?” That was true, and he nodded as he sat back in his own chair with a chuckle. “Very well, ask away my own.” Raising his glass and taking a long sip as he kept his gaze on Estinien.

“Had there been no understanding between us, would you have still wed? Perhaps one of the daughters of another noble house, eager to forge an alliance with you and strengthen their influence within Ishgard?” The question seemed to catch Aymeric slightly off guard and he mused over it for a long moment before shaking his head with a sigh. “Truthfully… I do not know. It would have been the expected outcome. What my family expected, what Ishgard would have assumed my path to be. And it would have made a certain sort of sense from a political standpoint, I suppose. Yet… call me a fool but I would not have wished such an alliance devoid of tenderness. A marriage of convenience and breeding, but not one of love... or even friendship and some gentle regard… seems a sad and lonely future. And while I myself could have made do without such things if the twelve had seen fit to grant me only that lot in life, I do not believe I could have willingly visited such a marriage on an innocent maiden.”

“You are a true romantic, Aymeric.” He chuckled, though there was a satisfied warmth in Estinien’s voice as he flashed a smile over the rim of his glass. “Willingly consigning yourself away to celibacy instead of inflicting yourself on some poor maiden. When we both know you would have given her the world even if you couldn’t have given her your heart.” Knowing Aymeric would see the gentle jest for what it was, he muffled a bark of laughter as the knight rolled his eyes with a snort. “Of course I could not have, considering that you have possessed it for nigh on ten years now. And I believe it is your turn.”

Estinien gave a roll of his own eyes as he took another long sip before his expression turned contemplative. “Did I love her? That is… not so simple of an answer, Aymeric. I did not love her as I love you, no. But… I did love her in a way. I cared for her, shared her touch, cherished her company even as her wit bit against mine own and enjoyed our conversation even when we baited each other with barbs. More than anyone else I have known, it was she who forced me to face the man that I had allowed myself to become; all but consumed with my hatred and my desire for vengeance. And thusly, it is she to whom I owe much of the change within me. And to her that I owe much of my current happiness to. Had she not allowed me to see with unclouded eyes the path I was walking down... I might never have found the courage to find my way to you. She...protected me from enemies I could not see. Because those selfsame enemies were the hatred and rage within my own self.” And that was why his armour bore her name of Iceheart. A connection that he could see Aymeric had made without aid from him and he simply nodded in silent confirmation before he posed his next question.

“As close as you and Lucia are, I would have expected something there beyond mere friendship. Was there ever?”

That one wasn’t difficult and Aymeric took a long swallow from his glass. Draining it only for Estinien to refill it with a smirk before he continued to wait for Aymeric’s answer. “That depends entirely on the specifics of which you seek knowledge. If you are asking was there ever a time when I nurtured romantic feelings for her...then no.” It was almost an evasive answer and the way he noticed Aymeric’s cheeks redden slightly suggested there was more to it than simply that. With a snort of amusement, he shifted to rest his elbow on the arm of the chair, propping his chin on it as he grinned at his husband. “Do tell, my lord… For I distinctly feel that you are not being entirely truthful with me…”

Taking another drink - unbidden, which amused Estinien greatly - from his glass, Aymeric sighed and raked a hand through black curls. “To clarify, you were quite vague with your inquiry. But I suppose it only fair that I indulge your curiosity. So… yes. Lucia and I have...enjoyed each other’s company in private on occasion.” He took a slow intake of breath before explaining, a nostalgic smile on his face. “The first time was a few months after she had come to serve under me exclusively. We shared drinks together, swapping stories, savouring the camaraderie. Very much as you and I used to do when we were both Temple Knights. I will say truthfully that I believed at the time that there _could_ be something there. Something that could perhaps grow, with nurturing. But come morning, nothing had changed. We had enjoyed ourselves, but...it had been only that. She was the first to admit that perhaps it had been a mistake. That she respected me a great deal, but that it was…” He chuckled at the memory. “I believe the phrase ‘dishonourable to take advantage of you under false pretenses’ was used.”

Estinien nearly choked on his own drink as he easily visualized just such an exchange, coughing amidst his laughter. “You mean to say, Aymeric...that she...believed she had….taken advantage of you?” His cheeks blazing, the shorter man scowled before rolling his eyes at his laughing husband. “Indeed, she did. Though not in the expected way. It was simply...that she knew neither of our hearts had been in it. ‘Your heart is flown as far away as mine is, and I would wager a guess it roosts with someone else?’ She asked, and the look in her eyes suggested she understood that quite well. It was the first time I openly spoke with anyone save Haurchefant about you...about how much I longed for you. To her credit, she shared her own yearnings with me, of her own heart that had been lost to someone she considered far outside her reach.”

“Lanniette wouldn’t think so, if she ever spoke up.” Estinien commented wryly, earning himself a startled glance from Aymeric that he rolled his eyes at. “Beloved, though her ability to conceal her heart far outstrips yours, it is simple deduction when one considers how often she takes the opportunity to join any mission to Camp Cloudtop.” Shaking his head again, he took another long drink before nodding towards his husband. “It is your question again, Aymeric. What would you have me reveal?”

Aymeric chewed at his lower lip for a moment before he spoke again, his voice quieter. “Why do you always leave ere I fall asleep? I know that you are not one for emotional goodbyes, but...no goodbye at all?” It was difficult not to wince slightly at the question. He’d not thought Aymeric aware of the way he often stole out into the night once his husband’s breathing had settled into a familiar rhythm and he felt a surge of guilt at the knowledge. “Because.... I fear waking you with my nightmares. But more than that, I fear that were I to bid you farewell when you are awake, looking at me as you always do, with so much love and acceptance in your eyes… with _home_ in your eyes...that I would not be able to leave. And that while I would gladly spend eternity in your arms, even were eternity merely an instant...I fear a world that has no place for me. No use for me.” His voice softened as he reached for Aymeric’s hand with his own, lacing fingers through with a gentle squeeze. “Forgive me for the distress I have caused you. I only meant to cowardly and selfishly spare myself the difficulty of leaving you. I thought not of your feelings.”

The apology was so sincere that he shook his head as he returned the squeeze of fingers. “There is nothing to forgive, my love. I would but see you safely on your way ere you fly back to me like the wild thing that you will always be. I would only ask that you bid me farewell before you go, and I shall do what I can to ease the parting for you.” His words seemed to ease some of the guilt in Estinien’s eyes and he could see his husband’s shoulders relax again as he idly brushed a thumb against Aymeric’s skin with a soft smile. “It is your turn, Estinien.” He prompted with another smile of his own as he took another long swallow of his glass before refilling it.

“Alright… as I already know that you are nigh obsessed with my horns I would know who taught you such things in the first place. I hardly think a well-bred and noble lad as you were is the sort to know some of your favourite bedroom tricks and I do not seem to recall your time in the Temple Knights as being very ‘colourful’.” Aymeric groaned and slapped a palm to his face before mumbling out his answer.

“Haurchefaunt…”

 _That_ was not the answer he had expected, though some portion of him considered that he shouldn’t find it surprising at all. The silver-haired man had been well known for his ribald sense of humour and flirtatious ways but merely tale telling and adolescent conversations regarding technique could not have explained the amount of ‘talent’ his husband had. Which meant that the Fortemps knight must have done more than simply _explain_. As though following his husband’s train of thought, Aymeric sighed as he began to elaborate. “I was a few moons shy of twenty. Drinks were had, and the subject of bedplay came up. A jest was made, something regarding my lack of knowledge on the subject. Doubtless he assumed it was merely fun and offered to teach me. Only...when he discovered that I truly was without knowledge or experience in the slightest, he offered again. Not in jest this time, but… as a friend. At first, I knew not what to say. I had seldom been so propositioned, and never by another man and a friend at that. But… I could not deny that I found him attractive, and enjoyed his company. And I trusted him. He said that was the most important thing; to trust your partner, whomever they were. That trust and laughter belonged hand in hand in the bedroom and that if I were willing, he would gladly teach me the rest himself. So I… agreed.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders. “We maintained a casual liaison for quite some time, never with any expectation of it being more than that.” Downing the rest of his drink around a yawn - Estinien snorted again in amusement as he watched - he dove right into the next question.

“Before that day in my office, had you ever…”

“No.” Estinien didn’t need him to elaborate, and he shook his head before Aymeric even finished his question. “You are the only one. I have...never felt comfortable in relinquishing control in such a way before you. I have never trusted another with a depth that would allow such a thing. Never wished to allow another to possess me in such a way until you.” Speaking of it sent a shiver up his spine and he finished his own glass before reaching for Aymeric’s and setting it aside with a hungry look. “You are the only one who can break me in such a way. Shatter me into dust and build me back together again. The only one I _crave_ with a need that borders on obsession. No other touch has held a candle to yours, ever. Now come to bed, before I decide that my need for you outweighs my need to see you comfortable ere you fall asleep in your chair.” He teased as he stood and tugged Aymeric to his feet to steady the slightly intoxicated knight with an arm around his waist. Nuzzling his face into dark curls as he whispered. “And this time, I promise to remain even ere you fall asleep, my love.”


End file.
